When at work, I’m a coffee junkie. Washing mugs is not my thing, so I buy those little white cups from the supermarket. Now given a handy marker, you know what happens next.
When you want something, you’ll push yourself to have it. You seize every opportunity there is. I am lucky to actually have the means to do so, but every attempt ends in failure. I ask myself, what I wanted is simple. It may be a teenager’s desire, but as an adult who never outgrew her interest (more of just transferred in another continent), it feels like getting just a glimpse is a forever limbo.
After four years of hiatus from being a fangirl. My first taste of being a KPop fangirl was being an ELF. Fortunately, Super Junior held two shows and one commercial shooting in Manila. The two shows filled my ELFish desires. A few months after being an ELF, I started to get curious with other pop bands. One fine Sunday, I was watching a local music channel and a familiar name popped – TVXQ. I thought to myself, “I think I knew this band way, way before…” then a few recollection brought me to this conclusion.
In 2005, as part of our advertising class, some students and professors would conduct a film showing of advertisements from around the world. A particular mp3 player ad caught my attention, because a boy and a GIRL was competing for sound-quality supremacy. I even told my classmate that “the girl” in the ad looks bad-ass!
I couldn’t remember what exactly happened or who showed me this video,
but this made me believe that they are actually a “Japanese Punk-Rock band.” Whenever I was asked if I heard of that band’s name, I would think of an East-Asian punk-rock band in my college days. I often confuse our subject TV Arts with TVXQ and sometimes accidentally writes TVXQ instead of the subject name.
Back to the moment where I was watching the music channel…
It seems that my thoughts before were wrong, because first of all — the bad-ass chick was indeed a hot guy and their music is far from hardcore punk! But then again, I thought they’re Japanese because this is the version playing…
I don’t have much knowledge of Korean names back then, but before I only knew of the members Yunho and Junsu — I thought where Japanese names. The guy in this scene drew my attention…
I didn’t even bother Googling his name, but right-away bought their Japanese album “The Secret Code.” My sister thinks it was a waste of money, because I don’t even know the name of my bias which I often call “Waterboy” and if the songs in the album don’t turn up to be good – I just wasted a good 450 pesos. Two discs later and I was hooked. Still, I don’t know his name… until I watched an episode from “Explorers of the Human Body”, it was then I knew they were actually KOREANS! With names: Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun and Shim Changmin (a.k.a.:Waterboy)
A month after, I learned that they were about to halt all their schedules because of a lawsuit. I just started liking the group and it felt so sudden that they are about to break-up. TVXQ went into indefinite hiatus. During that time, I started indulging myself with old TVXQ goodies. The more I know about them, the more I regret I feel for what could have beens in their careers (at a fan’s perspective.) I also joined the official Cassiopeia in the Philippines, because I felt that it was appropriate to join a club wherein everyone shares the same interest as I did.
Then two years passed. TVXQ came back as a duo. Good thing “waterboy” is still in the duo. Hehe~ Because of everything that happened in the past two years, the duo is starting from scratch and somehow their activities are now limited to Korea, Japan and some occasional fan meetings around Asia. All my dreams of watching them here in Manila was crushed, so I promised myself that I would see them perform live while my fandom is still on its peak, because… you know… nothing is permanent… and I am aging (not getting old, because I might hear some gasps from unnie-Cassies.)
Last February 2011 I went to Korea for a vacation. Honestly, the Hallyu-tour was the priority before the scenery (and other sceneries, but that’s another story.) A stroll to Myeongdong was more of a KPop tour.
My sister was doing a documentary about Hallyu-wave in the Philippines, so she shot some materials during our vacation. On our last day, SME invited her (us) to watch the comeback performance of TVXQ. I was about to cancel our plans of watching SS3 just to watch Changmin perform for 10 minutes, but eventually it never pushed through because of some problems back here. Good thing we were still able to watch Super Junior live, and heck! It was the best three hours of our 2011.
If we exchanged our SS3 plans with TVXQ’s comeback, this would probably the performance we might have watched.
The “Hello Hallyu” documentary took almost a year to shoot. One of the reason is, “Dream Concert” would be held in October. Then for some stroke of luck, the show hired me to take some photos of the event and the sceneries in Gyeong-ju, complete with media privileges. Then, this may be the perfect time to see Changmin and use some of the photos for my work. Along the way, we were met with problems from major issues to the trivial. Even mother nature went against us.
Coincidentally, that was the day we were about to apply for our Korean visa. It felt like an infinite abyss of problems, when one is solved another comes. My desire to see Changmin perform live was the only thing keeping me going. Then the last day came, my visa didn’t make it. I ended up wallowing in anger and frustration.
It was the most difficult thing I went through just to see a singer in my entire life. So hard, I wasn’t able to recover the following months. I didn’t have the strength to even watch videos of the Dream Concert.
The documentary was finally aired, honestly… even if it was me, featured on the show… seeing the clips from the event made me feel bitter over it.
On another note, Cassiopeia Philippines brought relief to my sadness by letting me win these two handsome TVXQ standees.
What’s up with my desperation?
I feel like my fandom won’t be complete if I didn’t see him in the flesh? Maybe even for just a peek. Other than my life’s ambitions, this might be my “Han” (unfinished business) of a certain life phase.
Then next year came, unlike the previous one… I felt like the cosmos is with me. My sister happens to be in Bangkok and the annual Korean wave music festival will be held in the holiday. We run into some small problems, but everything else is perfect.
During the performance, several odes and worship-like statements run through my mind.
Aside from that, I was able to see my other KPop biases perform (except for Boyfriend T_T).
That night my sister said: how come it was so hard just to see TVXQ? I replied, maybe if you want them that bad, nothing is good enough, you always wanted more.
My next goal is to watch an exclusive TVXQ event and be part of this:
I might experience the same hardships, but because of this… the results might be worth it.